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AFTER CANCER: DEALING WITH CHILDREN
Posted under Cancer by adminWhat Do I Tell My Children about My Health after My Treatment Is Completed?
What you tell your children will depend on what you have told them so far, how they are dealing with your illness, how old and mature they are, and what the specifics of your circumstances are.
In general, it is best to tell them the truth about all aspects of y0ur health that affect them. Inform them whether you have any cancer left, whether you need any further treatments, and what to expect over the next few weeks to months (as much as you can predict). Everything should be said in a hopeful and optimistic way-Be prepared to repeat yourself over the next few months and years. Your children will hear only what they are ready to hear. As they mature, even week to week, they become ready to absorb more information.
Do I Need to Tell Them Everything?
Absolutely not. You need to talk to them only about things that affect their world. You do not have to tell them every time you go for a checkup. However, if you have to take your children with you, or if you are going to come home with Band-Aids in your elbow creases, then they must be told. If you leave it to their imagination to figure out why you were at the doctor, they will very likely come up with a more frightening reason than your routine cancer follow-up.
You do not need to report every symptom you have. However, if you suffer headaches or irritability from your medication, or if you have pain that makes it difficult to walk long distances, tell them. Otherwise, you leave it open for your children to conclude that you are irritable because you are unhappy or angry with them, or that you do not want to go to the park, because you do not want to be with them. They may not be happy about your limitations, but they will understand.
Children should be protected from the anxiety of waiting for test results and from the ups and downs of evaluating potential problems. Your children do not need to know that your blood tests indicate a slight elevation of liver enzymes and that your doctor is going to recheck it in two weeks. When you know something definite that will change the circumstances at home, let your children in on it.
Try to avoid telling them about problems about which they cannot do anything. They cannot appreciate, let alone affect, your concerns about the medical bills. If your medical expenses necessitate a noticeable change in lifestyle, you can present it as a fact of life that your treatments are expensive. You would pay for treatments for any member of the family, and you are glad that the treatments are available. Feeling sorry for your children tells them to feel sorry for themselves. Adjusting to the change in financial status teaches your children about sacrifice as well as about facing challenge and loss.
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