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Archive for May 18th, 2009

SENIOR CITIZEN SEX EDUCATION: FEW QUESTIONS ABOUT MENOPAUSE

Posted under General health

“Do men have menopause?”

A very small percentage of men over age sixty experience what some doctors call the male climacteric, and this relatively rare condition is related to a decrease in a certain hormone in the blood. If the doctor tries to provide the hormone and the symptoms don’t disappear or reduce, it is probably not the male climacteric that is causing the problem.

The symptoms of male climacteric usually include a combination of loss of appetite, distractibility, decrease in sexual urge or interest, edginess, fatigue, and some problems with erection. Of course, these problems happen to everyone sometime, so don’t be too quick to jump to conclusions about male climacteric. My experience teaches that this is a very rare condition that is not at all the same thing as menopause in women.

“Does menopause mean loss of sex interest?”

No. Menopause is just the reverse of a process that started early in your life as you developed fertility. Menopause is not a thing, but a process of several years, so fertility does not just stop one day. Menopause definitely does not end sexual interest or ability to want to and to be able to enjoy sex.

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YOUR MARITAL HEALTH/WIVES’ SEXUALITY: DO YOU KNOW YOUR WIFE’S TYPE?

Posted under General health

The Figurine

I’m just not as strong as he is. I need him. He takes care of me like no one ever could.

WIFE

This is the fragile wife. The husband feels he is protecting her, and she assumes this role by acting weak, even physically sick or emotionally insecure. Sexually, she conveys an image of breakability, holding back her own assertive and expressive tendencies for fear of “blowing her cover,” for fear of letting her husband see that she is not as fragile as he thinks or perhaps needs her to be.

The Searcher

I have watched every time a talk show has anybody on about sex. I have tried everything. My women’s support group says my husband is just a sexist pig. Maybe they’re right, but I’m not going to tell him. I’m used to him that way. I call him Mr. Piggy.

WIFE

This wife has sensed that something is not well sexually and has turned to talk shows and sex manuals for direction. She talks more with friends about her sexual problems than she does with her husband. Most of her sexual knowledge is derived from friends, books, romantic novels. She assumes the role of Scarlett from Gone with the Wind, provoking, teasing, trying new techniques to encourage her husband to be Rhett and sweep her off her feet, up the stairs, and into bed. Unfortunately, some of these husbands continue not to “give a damn.”

The Super Wife

I never knew how strong I was as a person until I learned how strong we were as a couple.

WIFE

This is the model of the wife in a super sex marriage. She is aware of her sexual physiology, the forms and formation of her love map, understands the fourth perspective of sex, and integrates sex, love, and loving into her own unique and ever-changing role as a self-representing love partner.

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THE DESEXUALIZATION OF THE AMERICAN MARRIAGE: THE MIMS TEST (MARRIAGE INVESTMENT MINUTES)

Posted under General health

Over a seven-day week, add the minutes you estimate you spend in the following activities:

1. Talking with your spouse with absolutely no one else around, not even the dog.

2. Discussing things related only to the two of you, excluding for now the kids, your parents, work, money, or other daily activities.     

3. Time spent just looking at one another, not talking, doing, fixing, or fussing—just looking.        

4. Time spent having fun together, playing together in a non-goal-directed activity, without another couple or the kids. (Not getting ready to play, but actually in mutually enjoyable recreation.)    

5. Time spent during the week making love, kissing, hugging, touching in privacy without interruption. This counts for only consecutive time, not a kiss here, a hug there.    

6. Time spent talking about the future of the marriage. This means your future together, not retirement funds, retirement home, and insurance plans.        

7. Time spent discussing world affairs, politics, issues of the day (this means actually discussing, not just one partner complaining or lecturing and the other serving as audience).    

8. Time spent just sitting together while each of you is doing something else, such as reading, sewing, listening to music (do not count TV-watching time, which is typically mutual hypnosis, not mutual relaxation).

9. Time spent eating quietly together alone, with no kids or pets or phones or TV.        

10. Time spent spiritually together, such as praying, contemplating, meditating, attending religious services as a couple.        

To promote discussion of MIMs, I estimate that total available time for relating is a maximum of thirty hours per week, or 1,800 available MIMs. Of course, no one gets even close to that amount in our complex and ‘ ‘hurry illness” society, but the 1,800 available MIMs provide a starting point when time for sleep and work is subtracted from minutes in the week.

Now, a penalty subtraction. Subtract the time you spend per week, either alone or with your spouse, watching TV. This TV addiction is one of the most detrimental influences on American marriage. It is a shared addiction, which is the worst type, because it sometimes covertly robs the relationship of available time for intimacy while both partners take unknowing part in the theft.

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