THE DESEXUALIZATION OF THE AMERICAN MARRIAGE: THE MIMS TEST (MARRIAGE INVESTMENT MINUTES)

Posted under General health by admin

Over a seven-day week, add the minutes you estimate you spend in the following activities:

1. Talking with your spouse with absolutely no one else around, not even the dog.

2. Discussing things related only to the two of you, excluding for now the kids, your parents, work, money, or other daily activities.     

3. Time spent just looking at one another, not talking, doing, fixing, or fussing—just looking.        

4. Time spent having fun together, playing together in a non-goal-directed activity, without another couple or the kids. (Not getting ready to play, but actually in mutually enjoyable recreation.)    

5. Time spent during the week making love, kissing, hugging, touching in privacy without interruption. This counts for only consecutive time, not a kiss here, a hug there.    

6. Time spent talking about the future of the marriage. This means your future together, not retirement funds, retirement home, and insurance plans.        

7. Time spent discussing world affairs, politics, issues of the day (this means actually discussing, not just one partner complaining or lecturing and the other serving as audience).    

8. Time spent just sitting together while each of you is doing something else, such as reading, sewing, listening to music (do not count TV-watching time, which is typically mutual hypnosis, not mutual relaxation).

9. Time spent eating quietly together alone, with no kids or pets or phones or TV.        

10. Time spent spiritually together, such as praying, contemplating, meditating, attending religious services as a couple.        

To promote discussion of MIMs, I estimate that total available time for relating is a maximum of thirty hours per week, or 1,800 available MIMs. Of course, no one gets even close to that amount in our complex and ‘ ‘hurry illness” society, but the 1,800 available MIMs provide a starting point when time for sleep and work is subtracted from minutes in the week.

Now, a penalty subtraction. Subtract the time you spend per week, either alone or with your spouse, watching TV. This TV addiction is one of the most detrimental influences on American marriage. It is a shared addiction, which is the worst type, because it sometimes covertly robs the relationship of available time for intimacy while both partners take unknowing part in the theft.

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